My Friends,
On this eve of a new decade, I want very much to share some thoughts with you. It takes my breath away that another year has gone by, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Even more breathtaking is the fact that this is the last day of the first decade of this century.
What a decade it has been! Technology has leapt ahead at unprecedented speed. Global warming is changing all our climates. We have experienced 911 and other terrorist attacks, are engaged in a long war, air travel poses a challenge rather than a convenience, cell phones are practically attached to our heads, texting is taking the place of direct conversation, families separate faster than ever, children grow up faster, obesity, H1N1, and all sorts of cancers threaten our national health. Housing prices reached new heights of ridiculousness then plummeted to record lows, and millions of families have suffered losing their homes and jobs. Celebrity lifestyles seem more important to some than their own integrity, and we all get busier and busier trying to survive the demands and stresses of contemporary life. Whew!
But – We have our first African-American President, and our first female Secretary of State! We have also seen a spiritual movie, the Secret, take the country by storm. HIV/Aids victims now live productive lives for many, many years, and our awareness continues to expand on issues of medical research, the needs of others, and the importance of “the simple things.” The sun still rises every day, and birds still sing, even when the world around them seems to be going a bit mad. The waves still roll into the shore, and retreat again to rebuild and return, endless and predictable in their endeavor.
For my part, my life has seriously and happily changed in immeasurable ways.
Ten years ago this month, December, 1999, my life changed forever. My husband of nearly thirteen years, and the father of my two younger children, attempted to end my life. In this act, my life was irrevocably altered, as were the lives of all three of my children. Since then every aspect of our lives has changed drastically, except for one: we love each other and support each other with our love, care, interest and intention, whether we see each other often or not.
Less than twelve months later, my mother passed away after a long and arduous decline. Her decline also altered my life in countless ways. Her decline took a toll on my father’s health for a long time, and apparently, on our relationship. Our relationship changed radically after her death, and has not recovered, as he has dealt with the loss in his way, and I in mine.
Since that period of time, as the millennium changed and this past decade began, just about every detail of my life has changed, except how I feel about the people I love: my children, my family, my few close friends and my life-time mentors.
I have a new career that I have worked diligenetly for the past seven years to develop, and in which I am very happy. Today, I help others cope with their own changing lives, learn to tolerate seemingly intolerable emotions and tensions, sift through the baggage of their past, and navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of the ocean of life. My work is benefitted at each turn by all of my own difficult life lessons. I have grown and evolved unceasingly these past many years. (I sometimes say I have earned a Ph.D. in life.)
I recognize the positive influence of a some important people in my own thoughts and values often: my parents, teachers and mentors were role models for me. I attribute much of my perseverance, eloquence and professional polish to their example and their teachings.
Having survived these challenging past ten years, I have come to know myself in ways I never could before. I have come to believe in myself and trust myself as I never did before. I still struggle with self-esteem at times, particularly when it comes to certain relationships. I am frequently tripped up by a false, deeply hidden belief that I am not lovable. This belief took root and was cemented by the actions of the two most influential men in my life: my father and my ex-husband.
I work every day to love and appreciate myself in spite of this nagging voice that undermines my words and actions in some relationships. I work to value myself even when two people I loved with all my heart denied and diminished my value with their words and actions. I undertake every day to teach this to my children and clients: to understand and appreciate their own intrinsic, inarguable value, no matter what others say or do.
I love and miss my parents more than words can express. ( My mother, as I mentioned, passed away early in the decade. My father estranged himself from me beginning early on after her death.) I have struggled mightily to survive debilitating emotions of grief, anxiety and depression. I did not always have good communication skills. Perhaps sometimes I did not even have good self-control. With long, hard work on myself, with the help of my mentors and a few loyal and tenacious friends, a couple of great therapists, and with my spiritual beliefs and practices, I have recreated myself and my life to a place of peace, harmony, accomplishment and satisfaction I have never known before.
I know now that the more I know, the more I know I don’t know. I know that each day is precious; that life whizzes by with astonishing speed; that without love, days feel very empty; and that I never have to feel ” without love,” because Love resides in me always, and I have only to pay attention to a single breath to reconnect with the miracle that is Life, alive in me, as me.
I have three fervent, deeply personal wishes for myself this new year, and new decade, which I will hold dear in my heart as they become fulfilled through my belief and efforts. And I have three fervent wishes for you, my friends, for this New Year, and new decade.
1) to achieve continued success in your chosen pursuit, loving what you do, fulfilling your purpose in this lifetime, enriching others, and being rewarded with financial stability and prosperity;
2) to have love, joy, beauty, rest, refreshment, health, wealth and happiness in your life each day;
3) to understand and appreciate your own intrinsic, inarguable value, no matter what others say or do.
May the New Year find you healthy, happy and wise. Thank you for receiving my thoughts this New Year’s eve.
With my love and best wishes,
Kathryn
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
