My wish for you this holiday season is the gift of hope: that no matter what has happened in this last year for you, that the coming year will surpass your expectations for happiness, supply, abundance, joy and peace.

2011 has been a challenging year for so many. Yet many of us are witnessing and experiencing a new movement of consciousness in which more and more people are waking up to the fact that the old ways of greed, avarice, materialism at all costs, disrespect and violence are not working. For this I am deeply grateful and hopeful.

I hope this year has brought you many gifts , both internal and external. I hope you found the joy in the simple moments, relished the quiet or the noise, saw the beauty in the sun or the rain, felt the presence of hope and possibility.

Each year brings with it new and different challenges, we all know that. I’m just like you, some challenges feel like obstacles I don’t see a solution for. Yet now near the end of another year, I have to say that each seeming obstacle has been an opportunity for me to learn something new about myself, or see something again that I am still learning.

People talk with me all the time about their “mistakes.” Like a person who stayed in a relationship in which they didn’t feel respected or appreciated, long after their instinct told them to go; or another, facing large financial hurdles and feeling so very alone in it all.  I certainly have had my share of them, too, the “mistakes” I have made. Like the choice to leave the rented home I cherished several years ago because I was in the throws of an emotional storm with the owner ( a parent, no less.) Or investing in some business or personal venture that didn’t bring forth the outcome intended. Or choices I made in relationships and parenting, before I learned all that I have come to learn.

But I have to tell you, and maybe it will resonate with you, even just a little bit: as much as choices led me to really different chapters in life than I had ever anticipated, I have grown so incredibly much through each and every experience.

It is easy to look back at a choice and say, “ I wish I had done that differently.” (That’s why we all understand the saying, “ hind sight is 20/20.” )After the fact, when you see all the consequences and ramifications of what happened, it is easy to play armchair strategist and consider what you could have done differently.

But the truth is, you have absolutely no idea what would have happened if you had done anything differently. And, if you had known to do it differently at the time, you would have. You couldn’t do what you didn’t know to do.  I know I couldn’t.

Any thought I have about  “ what it would be like now” is nothing more than a fantasy I am making up about it. Because at the end of the day, I am here now, this is the way it is now, I am better, stronger, wiser, more informed, much smarter, and much more confident.

Certainly I am less innocent. Certainly I assess things differently now. That is a very positive outcome of learning , and of learning the hard way. I don’t know too many people who learn really big life lessons the easy way. Do you? And there is no question in my mind that I am better, stronger, wiser, more informed, smarter, and much more confident as a result of having not just survived but internally thrived in spite of  it all.

This is the greatest gift we can give ourselves this holiday: the gift of believing that no matter how hard it was, how much we have cried, how much things changed and that was uncomfortable, we have not just survived, we have internally thrived. Things may not look in the outside quite like we ultimately want them to yet, but we are on my way. And that is a good place to be.

Two of my favorite inspirational sources, Neale Donald Walsh and Esther & Jerry Hicks and Abraham, sent these to their folks this week.  ( By the way, Jerry Hicks made his transition to the other side of the Veil recently. Esther is handling this with exquisite grace. I know millions of us hold both of them in our hearts and prayers.)  These messages resonated so much with me that I wanted to share them with you.

..that all change is change for the better.

There is no such thing as “change for the worse.”Change is the process of Life Itself, and that process could be called by the name “evolution.” And evolution moves in only one direction: forward, and toward improvement. Therefore, when change visits your life, you can be sure things are turning for the better. It may not look that way in the very moment change arrives, but if you will wait a while and have faith in the process, you will see that this is true.

                                                                                                                Neale Donald Walsh

We are really advocates of just getting as happy as you can be—which takes care of everything. Even if you don’t have reason to be happy—make it up. Fantasize it. Make a decision that you’re going to be happy one way or another—no matter what. “No matter what, I’m going to be happy! If I have to ignore everybody; if I have to never watch television again; if I have to never pick up a newspaper again, I’m going to be happy. If I never have to see that person’s face again, I’m going to be happy. If I have to see that person’s face, I’m going to find something to see in that person’s face that makes me happy. I’m going to be happy. I’m going to be happy. I’m going to be happy.”

— Abraham  (Excerpted from the workshop of Esther and Jerry Hicks, in Sacramento, CA on Saturday, March 15th, 2003 # 292)

I want to offer you a gift from my heart to yours this holiday season: If you have not taken up my previous limited offer for the free download of   I Will Do What It Takes, my e- mini book,  please write to me within the next week at kathryn@nextboldstep.com and I will joyfully send you your free download.

I also  thought you might like to listen in to an interesting interview  I had last week with Richard Spaskoff, world known psychic medium.  https://rcpt.yousendit.com/1320204626/762bcf52c0c30b68bdaba07bf92af5cb

Or a very special conversation on CBS Radio “ The Business of Wisdom” with Dr. Alvin Jones

www.dralvinjones.com/content/01 Kathryn Tull.wma

May your days be merry and bright, even if shadows pull at your heart strings. Choose to find a ray of sunshine or something that brings you warmth and happiness to see, to focus on, to think about. Although it seems simplistic, it works. What you choose to think about will affect the direction of your emotions profoundly. I know that pain and the memories created by pain can overshadow or distort any potentially happy or positive situation. I have been there so many times myself. I tell myself whenever that tries to happen – which is still can – “ Just breathe this moment. I can choose for just this moment to think about something else, something better.” I purposely redirect my thoughts, and keep doing it, over and over again.

It works. The more you do it, the better you will get at doing it. Over time, the effect  will last a little longer, then a little longer.

Give yourself the gift of self-love this year. Let yourself see the growth you have experienced, do something good for yourself, no matter how seemingly small. A piece of chocolate, a hot bath, a walk in the brisk air, a nap. Or something bigger if you can: a whole day off, a weekend away, a vacation. Something to tangibly say to yourself, “ I love you. You matter. No matter what any one else says or thinks, you matter to me!”

And you matter to me. May your holidays be blessed and peaceful. Ring in the new year with hope and expectation for a bright tomorrow. You deserve it!

To your Next Bold Step with my love and Holiday Hopes,

Kathryn

Author, Speaker, Psychotherapist, Communications Coach

Real solutions for your relationships and families

www.nextboldstep.com

INTERNAL COMBUSTION              PART 1

Have you ever felt like you are combusting inside? You know, like the pieces are breaking apart and tumbling? Or even breaking up into splinters and shards and beginning to fly around? And you can’t tell what is actually going on, other than you can tell that it all feels topsy-turvy inside?

I do. I have. And I am feeling that way right now.

In the last month, since the beginning of September, so many big things have occurred in my life that my head has been spinning. I’m surprised it’s still attached to my neck.  I’ll tell you about it all, later. Right now I just want to let you know a little of the inside story.

By the way, I really do a number on myself about admitting this.  After all, I’m a psychotherapist, and a truly good one, too. I help people sort out their problems and their issues every day. I listen to worries, doubts, fears, and pain. I listen to all the things that haven’t worked right, the broken hearts, the broken dreams, the family rejection, the personal abandonment, the lost opportunities , lost relationships, and loss of dignity.  I am the door to unburden the self-shaming, the shame imposed by others, the needs and wants and desires that feel so unmet. I listen with my mind, my heart, my soul, my talent, and my expertise. I accept unconditionally and love with my consciousness until they can begin to love themselves and see how it does all actually make sense. I’m truly good at doing what I do. And it works.

So what about when my own life feels like it doesn’t make any sense? What do I do when my own thoughts are spinning and turning so fast I can’t keep up with them?

I started using all my tools, the ones I know work so well, the ones I coach people with all the time. I took one piece at a time, and was careful not to think about everything at once, which can lead to overwhelm. I made sure to eat a little, and get as much sleep as my schedule would allow. I drank plenty of water. I caught myself not breathing thoroughly, and made sure to breathe deep, cleansing, stabilizing breaths. I put on soothing music when time would allow. I reached out to a caring friend for a little carefree chitchat, to normalize again. I reached within to my Higher Power for peace and calm and a deeper knowing.

And I did what many of us mere mortal humans do: I held on tight and tried to keep my routine going, not  willing or able ( in my perception) to take the time I needed to process all that was going on and how it felt.

Then my body took over this week and said, STOP!  I came home from work Monday evening with a stuffy nose, absolutely exhausted, and fell into bed by 10:30pm, which is early for me. I expected to get up again the next morning for a full day of clients. Hah!

My body and soul said STOP! I woke up so ill I could hardly get myself out of  the bed.  My mind started racing about all the commitments I had that day, and the next day, and the next.  My head ached so badly I couldn’t sit up. I couldn’t breathe from my nose and my chest tightened with concern for my clients. My thoughts started spinning until I finally realized that I was going to have to admit my human-ness and cancel due to illness. And all the next day, and the class I teach at the university, and all the next day, too. Horrors!

I succumbed to the truth that my body was not going to allow me to move one inch from my bed . I have texted or called all my clients  day by day.  They have each been gracious and understanding. Even my dog has gracefully been mellow, not looking  too longingly at the door for a walk, as he often does when I am home. But then the really hard part started: my thoughts. Now that I had time to actually think about some of what has been transpiring, I became aware of just how unsettled I had become by manifesting  a lot in a short period of time.

Some very old pain, fear, personal shaming and abandonment stuff has been stirred up within my personality construct, forcing me to take a look at some things I didn’t even know were there. And I am realizing that dealing with a lot of pleasure can be overwhelming, just like dealing with a lot of pain. Interestingly, both pain and pleasure are processed very close in proximity in the brain. So I guess this doesn’t surprise me; l just hadn’t thought about it that way before.

Oh – One last tool to mention: ( I had to wait til I felt better) : I made homemade chicken soup. Yes, it’s true. I make a great homemade chicken soup, too. I’ve had lots of practice, being a mother for thirty+years. For me, there really is nothing like it when you feel lousy, don’t have much appetite and need some comforting sustenance.

At any rate, that’s the skinny on why I have been off the blogging radar. Yes, the Professionals do experience setbacks – it just may not get admitted. And I recognize that I am not the best at keeping a rigorous online schedule ( because I keep a rigorous schedule working with my clients!)  So, I decided to share some of my own process with you ( which I do in the book quite a bit, too.)  If I’m not willing to do it, how can I encourage you to experience your process? What’s more, how could you know if you can trust me to understand and empathize from a place of deep knowledge?

I hope this finds you fully engaged in this process of life. Remember, it is just one breath at a time. That is how we get prepared to take the Next Bold Step. Stay tuned for more. With my love,

Kathryn

I invite you to pick up a personalized copy of The Next Bold Step and free bonus at http://www.nextboldstep.com.

On Facebook and Twitter too! See you there soon!

This has been anticipated for quite some time and I am so thrilled to share it with you!
The Next Bold Step: Learning to Love and Value Yourself and Know that You Matter! by Kathryn Tull, M.A., MFT is available!

Readers are already saying,
 ” I channel my inner “Kathryn” now whenever I am in conflict!”
” Kathryn, you have given me the Courage to change my life and I am truly grateful…you are AWESOME.”
” Kathryn, I am already looking at myself in a way I never have been able to before! Thank you!”

Professionals are saying:
“Kathryn Tull delivers pure authenticity, insight, and intuition.”
“This book is a must-read for everyone who has given more than they have received, and are now ready to be seen, heard, and fully expressed like never before.”
“This book is powerful and helpful!”

The Next Bold Step: Learning to Love and Value Yourself, and Know that You Matter! transforms the universal secret heartache of ,” I feel like I don’t really matter.” Filled with compassion, insight and wisdom, this is the book for anyone who has felt invisible, unheard, or unacknowledged. The reader is guided on a powerful and tender journey that honors lessons of the past to create a balanced and empowered life right now, with compelling tools and strategies for happiness, personal health, and fulfillment.

The Next Bold Step can be purchased at all these online sources:
www.nextboldstep.com
www.amazon.com
www.barnesnoble.com
www.xlibris.com.

I will be  very happy to personally sign your copy for you, when you order directly from http://www.nextboldstep.com.

I would love to come speak to your community or professional group or organization about the incomparable power of  Self Value. I will be happy to do a book signing. I would also love to do events at your favorite eateries. I am open to your invitations and ideas-  Please call or email me to set this up!

Please Like the book page and Author page on FB tweet about it, and let all your friends and contacts know:
You can take the next bold step,and this book is your roadmap!

With Love, Gratitude and Excitement for Your Next Bold Step!
Kathryn

–

I am committed to you, your relationships, and your families.

Kathryn Tull, M.A., MFT

310.920.9480

http://www.nextboldstep.com

https://www.facebook.com/ TheNextBoldStep

http://twitter.com/#!/ KathrynTull_MFT

 http://therapists. psychologytoday.com/rms/51890

http://www.theravive.com/ therapists/kathryn-tull.aspx

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

     Martin Luther King, Jr.

( I lived in my own homes until just a few years ago. This has been a big transition for me, back to apartment life, essentially. I had not lived in an apartment since a long, long time ago, thirty years ago. It is so very different… But I made a bold personal decision to support my independence, and I am not sorry for that at all. I didn’t know that real estate value was going to plummet within months of buying my own place, but that’s another story.)

So this weekend I treated myself to several pots of blooming geraniums, one of my favorite flowers. There are gorgeous shades of red, pink and fuchsia, very feminine colors. I created a little balcony-rail garden, put  some in pots by my front door, and even one on my dining room table.

Every time my eyes fall upon these beauties, I smile. I receive instant joy! I feel lifted, and a smile takes my face, instead of the serious expression I tend to wear when I am thinking.

Not only is there opulent, natural beauty now in my environment, but I am reminded each time of the magnificence that nature possesses, and the abundance that surrounds me constantly. All I have to do is open my eyes to see it.

This feels very powerful to me. I know that many people, maybe including you,  are feeling constriction in their financial or personal affairs. In my own daily world, I am aware of the constriction in many ways. Many of my clients are affected.

It is important to chose a healthy, self-supporting perspective!  It feels better, and it makes more sense. When you feel good, you think more clearly. When you think more clearly,  options and solutions become more apparent. It may not seem easy at first, if it hasn’t been your habit; with practice it becomes more natural.

I am aware that I have to consciously chose not to give in to doubt and fear. A sense of defeat, almost panic can rise quickly up, when a wave of lack  energy invades thought. The negative energy seems to have a lot of weight to it; it has the ability to almost obliterate efforts to retain positive thinking.

So I have to chose differently! I chose to not let that wave overcome me. I chose to see it as what is is – just a wave of negative energy. I can send it on its way.  I breathe deeply, a few times. I affirm my health, talent and abundance in my life and my affairs.  I seek out an instant reminder of that reality, instead of the seeming doom that negativity would have me believe.

The waterfall in my office; the beautiful fresh flowers that now line my balcony rail. These bring me back to reality: in this moment, right now, all is well. I breathe again, to take it all the way into my bloodstream and consciousness.

Fresh flowers. That’s what I chose to see. Seeing darkness won’t lift me, it will only drag me down. You, too. Chose light. Chose fresh flowers, or something else that brings an immediate smile to your face. It can be a picture, or a song, or the real thing.  Let yourself be lifted. Chose it. You deserve it!

With my love,

Kathryn

The antidote to self-defeating behavior like that begins with something very simple, and free : daily self-acceptance.

This is a crucial practice. I know it can be hard to do.

When you catch yourself engaging in some self- defeating behavior that sneaks in almost unnoticed, like procrastinating ( which is an avoidance behavior), or finding one more thing you ” have to do” that makes you late for something else ( which is also covering up a deeper message to both yourself and the other party), the most common response to yourself is to shame and blame yourself. ” Oh, no! There I go again! I did it again! I’ll never get it right. What’s the use in trying, anyway?”

Resolve gives way to self-defeat, even disgust. Before you even realize it, you are slipping into more self-sabotaging thinking and behavior.

The truth is that every living human being has some habits that are not the best. Everyone  can slip into  aself-defeating thinking or behavior, if even for a moment. Most of us hate to admit it. Many people do a really good job of hiding it from their awareness. ( By the way, that doesn’t make it go away. I Can guarantee you of that. Denial is only denial, not healing.)

So you need to start with daily self-acceptance. Accepting yourself daily does not mean being complacent about how you are being in life, or how your life looks, if there are things that you want to change. Daily self-acceptance means acknowledging yourself for where you are – not reprimanding yourself for where you are not.  Then, stretch just a little bit more and add daily gratitude. You are the only you on the planet – and no one can take your place. Your place is very important to all the pieces of life fitting together, whether you can see it or not. There are people who need you, and want you, and count on you – whether you are aware of it or not. Like your boss, or your neighbor, or the handyman you smile at on your way to work, or your partner, or your child. You matter – and no one can take your place. And you have a special purpose here on planet Earth that no one else can fulfill.

No matter where you are on your path of personal growth and evolution, take a moment each day to breathe and consciously accept yourself exactly as you are today. Stretch that even a little bit more, and be grateful for being you today. You are exactly where you need to be, for reasons larger than you can see. You are farther along than you were yesterday, even if you can’t tell. It is the law of growth.

A lovely author by the name of Judith R. Smith wrote, “My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now – I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I’m grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I’ve made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I’m treated with respect and dignity.”

I love that thought, and I hold it dear. No matter what, I have committed to myself to live a life in which I am treated with respect and dignity. I have rebuilt and reshaped my whole life so that it is so. I have learned how to transform relationships, and release those that are not supportive and may be toxic to me. I would love to help you learn to do this, too.

Every day, accept yourself for where and who you are. Commit to yourself to keep growing, even when you can’t tell you are. The universe will move in unforeseen ways to make it so.

Until next time, give yourself the gift of remembering that you are  unique, one of a kind. No one can take your place. Have a lovely moment with you. You deserve it.

With my very best,

Kathryn

Some years ago I wrote a poem, as I was healing from my abusive relationship/marriage that lasted seventeen years. It was published in an international collection of poetry.  I would like to give it to you as a gift, if you would like to have it.

With that man, I bore two children, supported his career to be an internationally known and traveled performer, helped him become a man well liked and respected by his friends and the community, built a successful life  (or so it looked) in a community  in which I carefully crafted and protected his ( and our) reputation.  During all those years, we were living a double life. So were my children. In truth, it felt like a long, dark tunnel with no end.

Now, it is ten years later. It is hard for me to conceive of it, but more than a decade has passed since I left.  I have cried more than a million tears, along the way, I am sure. There were plenty of days when I felt like I had no idea how to do anything. But I kept going, and still do, one day at a time. Because I learned that my growth occurs now, in this moment, in every moment, when I allow it to. That, by itself, is a miracle!

My life now is a bouquet of blessings, opportunities, achievements, adventures and new friends. My three children are now all grown, and launched. ( I have an older son from my first marriage, and they are all very close with each other.) Each one of the three of them is creating a life of success, discovery, trial and error, love and exploration. Each one of them has traveled a different, and sometimes difficult road as a result of their young lives in an abusive home; but they are all blossoming in such beautiful ways. And so am I.

I want to share with you this very important fact: recovery from abuse is possible. It is very possible. Being in relationships that are not abusive is also possible.

It may not be easy. It may not come quickly. But it is entirely possible. And I want you to know that.

Whether you are now, or have been, or are thinking that you may be, in any abusive relationship, you can learn the skills to detect, understand, and respond proactively so that you can regain your life.

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing more information with you about this.

For now, I wish you a gentle Spring of re-birth within yourself, knowing that you are as beautiful as a rose in the morning, deserving of tender love, warm light and sweet care.   If you would like to have my poem, just copy and paste the link below into your web browser.

With my love,

Kathryn

C:\Documents and Settings\Kathryn\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content. MSO\WordWebPagePreview\464E57D6.mht