It’s Finally Here!

It’s finally here! I am so happy to tell you that my book is now complete and available!

This has been anticipated for quite some time and I am so thrilled to share it with you!
The Next Bold Step: Learning to Love and Value Yourself and Know that You Matter! by Kathryn Tull, M.A., MFT is available!

Readers are already saying,
 ” I channel my inner “Kathryn” now whenever I am in conflict!”
” Kathryn, you have given me the Courage to change my life and I am truly grateful…you are AWESOME.”
” Kathryn, I am already looking at myself in a way I never have been able to before! Thank you!”

Professionals are saying:
“Kathryn Tull delivers pure authenticity, insight, and intuition.”
“This book is a must-read for everyone who has given more than they have received, and are now ready to be seen, heard, and fully expressed like never before.”
“This book is powerful and helpful!”

The Next Bold Step: Learning to Love and Value Yourself, and Know that You Matter! transforms the universal secret heartache of ,” I feel like I don’t really matter.” Filled with compassion, insight and wisdom, this is the book for anyone who has felt invisible, unheard, or unacknowledged. The reader is guided on a powerful and tender journey that honors lessons of the past to create a balanced and empowered life right now, with compelling tools and strategies for happiness, personal health, and fulfillment.

The Next Bold Step can be purchased at all these online sources:
www.nextboldstep.com
www.amazon.com
www.barnesnoble.com
www.xlibris.com.

I will be  very happy to personally sign your copy for you, when you order directly from http://www.nextboldstep.com.

I would love to come speak to your community or professional group or organization about the incomparable power of  Self Value. I will be happy to do a book signing. I would also love to do events at your favorite eateries. I am open to your invitations and ideas-  Please call or email me to set this up!

Please Like the book page and Author page on FB tweet about it, and let all your friends and contacts know:
You can take the next bold step,and this book is your roadmap!

With Love, Gratitude and Excitement for Your Next Bold Step!
Kathryn

I am committed to you, your relationships, and your families.

Kathryn Tull, M.A., MFT

310.920.9480

http://www.nextboldstep.com

https://www.facebook.com/ TheNextBoldStep

http://twitter.com/#!/ KathrynTull_MFT

 http://therapists. psychologytoday.com/rms/51890

http://www.theravive.com/ therapists/kathryn-tull.aspx


“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

     Martin Luther King, Jr.

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The Importance of Retreat

 There is importance in “retreat.” I don’t mean the kind where you are running away from a threat, like in a battle or a dangerous situation (where you must retreat to survive); and I don’t mean backing away from a challenging situation because you don’t like confrontation or you choose not to engage.
I am talking about “retreat” you create for yourself, consciously. I am so blessed and grateful that this coming weekend, within a few hours, actually, I am leaving my daily routine to be on retreat with the women of my spiritual community, the Agape International Spiritual Center in Culver City, CA. Each summer the women of our community gather in retreat to celebrate our divine feminine nature, support and nurture each other as women (including adolescent women), talk , laugh, sing, commune, dine, play, rest, and celebrate our wonderful feminine selves.
Celebrating yourself is a primary component of being on “retreat,” in whatever way you create it for yourself. You don’t have to go away, although this is certainly a blissful and restful way to do it. ( Getting out of the routine in and of itself is always regenerative for me.) Retreat can take many forms: fifteen minutes a day of meditation, your daily exercise routine, a walk in nature, a long hot bath, even time alone by yourself without being engaged in a task. The important thing is that you have time to be in communion with your deeper self.
Life has gotten more complex for many of us as the years have unfolded. The more complex it becomes the more important it is for you to create “retreat” for yourself. It requires internal balance and quietude to be able to think through all the decisions that you are called upon to make on a daily basis. How can you establish discerning, informed thought if you are constantly running from one task to the next, not taking the time somewhere, somehow to replenish the internal you that provides your motivation, inspiration and solutions?
Many coaches, spiritual communities and churches sponsor retreats ranging from a few hours to several days. Some are at a cost, and others may be accessible for all. Many offer scholarships, or a work-to-participate plan. Give yourself the important gift of some peace to balance out the demands of life. Explore the possibilities in your community and surroundings. Be creative. Look inside at what might bring you peace, like a walk in the woods, or the park, or an afternoon on a blanket under the sun. ( That is one of my favorite personal retreats – some time in the sun, even if it is only an hour or so.)
Your internal self, where your heart speaks directly to your soul and your Higher Power, is your pipeline for energy, peace, and joy. All things are possible when you align your mind with your heart, soul and Higher Power. Support your hard-working mind in your most important task: the expression of your Highest self, unfolding more and more each day in your personal fulfillment and success, no matter what you are doing. Give yourself the access to calm, discernment, and informed thought that you deserve as you navigate life.  I truly encourage you to think about this and plan some “retreat” for yourself. You absolutely deserve it!
With love and support
To your next bold step!
Kathryn

I am committed to you, your relationships, and your families.

Kathryn Tull,M.A., MFT

310.920.9480

http://www.nextboldstep.com

https://www.facebook.com/TheNextBoldStep

http://twitter.com/#!/KathrynTull_MFT

 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/51890

http://www.theravive.com/therapists/kathryn-tull.aspx


“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

What is Independence?

It is good to be back in touch. It has been a very busy time, working diligently to get The Next Bold Step through the last of the publishing process. Hip Hip Hooray, it is complete! I am so excited to share that with you! And now it is Independence Day already, how appropriate.

Independence means different things to different people. This holiday means different things for different people. It has meant so many different things to me over the course of my life that now I have a memory bank just entitled  4th of July I think. So many memories. Many sweet stories. Now Independence looks so different – and I have to consciously choose not to get lost in the “what was” instead of the What Is.  Have you ever felt like that?
Independence has taken on a whole new meaning for me now, living alone for the first period of time in my life. Now independence means getting to do things for myself, sleeping in when I create the time and the context, following my own schedule instead of other people’s, even choosing to spend a day alone. Until pretty recently, these kinds of choices were not even in my thoughts.
When I first awoke at 6:30 this morning I was flooded with memories of holidays from the 1990’s when my children were young and I was married. We would have big parties – 20,30,50 people. Preparing for days, up at the crack of dawn to decorate my kids’ wagon or bikes or outfits to be in the parade. Decorate the house and yard, and get tickets for the local Fireworks show. The Fair in the Park first, hot dogs for lunch. They were sweet days. I love those memories. I loved rollerblading in the parade, keeping up with my kids. One in the Marching Band, one on a Float for the Ballet Company, one on his decorated bike. God, it was sweet.
The memories are sweet, as long as I don’t throw the shadow of the unspoken reality over them: no one saw the personal price that was paid by me and the kids for the gorgeous entertaining we did, the price of their father’s moods, and living up to his expectations. There was nothing sweet about that. That tarnished everything in its path.
Or the years after, when Independence came to mean that we were out on our own, I had finally had enough, I fought our way out, we were safe, we were free. Hometown Parade, red, white and blue clothes, fireworks at the High School where all but one of us graduated.Then unforeseen family friction, no peace to be had in our sweet life, more choices to make, more upheaval, more ripping apart, more pain, more growth.  More change…
Even now, so many years later, I have to work with myself to not let the shadows get me down. So many memories, so many holidays and special days and ordinary days tarnished to remember…I have to choose not to let that destroy all that was wonderful.  As I said earlier, so many memories. Many sweet stories. Now Independence looks so different – and I  consciously choose not to get lost in the “what was” instead of the What Is.
What does Independence mean to you?
And very importantly: What would you like it to mean?
Give yourself a gift today of contemplating that question: What would you like it to mean?
No matter what circumstances and conditions look like on the outside of you, go within. Turn to your own heart. Ask yourself: What would I like Independence to mean?
What would I like Freedom to mean?
What would I like it to feel like?
Then pick one thing, one desire, one vision, one idea, or one goal, large or small to go for. No matter what your vision is, pick one idea to go for. This is Your time. In the smallest way and in the largest way, this is your time. Make it your own. Allow a vision to birth itself to your awareness today, Independence Day. Give it life. Give it attention. Give it care. Give it love. Let it flourish and bloom. That is Freedom. And that is a Bold Step.
I send strength, hope and belief in your Bold Step today.
Mine is now ready for you to share.
With my love,
Kathryn
The Next Bold Step is now ready for order! Get your personally signed copy today at http://www.nextboldstep.com and fine online retailers.

You Matter!

Dear One,
I wish you love this Valentine’s Week. I  wish you love for yourself, the most important love that you can have. Whomever else there may be in your life, whether children, parent, partner, neighbor or friend, today I wish you love for you.
Valentine’s Day is heavily marketed to a particular audience, but they are missing the point. They are missing the most essential love there is: love for yourself, as a perfect expression of Universal love that holds no judgment, needs no gift. You are that expression. You are perfect, whole and complete. You matter! Whether there is anyone else in your daily life that recognizes that right now, it is the truth, today and every day.
You matter! You have a unique and divine purpose here this day.The world is a better place because you are here. You have gifts and talents that no one else brings to the planet in quite the same way. You are a perfect expression of you!  Celebrate yourself today. Celebrate that love begins with you. Loves lives in you, and with you, always.  We have been long taught to understand love when it comes from others. That misses the most important piece in the equation: love comes from within you .
What can you do for yourself today to give yourself that love? Even if it is something that takes just a few minutes, do something special for yourself today. Take a few quiet minutes , make a cup of tea, and sit with yourself to remember who you are. You are not the labels of what you do, of how much you earn, or how much education you have, how many children you do have or do not have, whether you are single or married. You are a precious, perfect expression of the single entity in this Universe that is you!
Take a clean piece of paper and write down two sentences about yourself- who you are – to recognize your own value today. This is very important, your brain needs to captain this thought team. You matter, no matter what any one else says or does not say.
Create in your own thoughts two loving statements to celebrate yourself, and write them down. Read them out loud to yourself. Don’t be surprised if tears come up when you try to do this, or if you find that you stop yourself, or feel embarrassed. Particularly if you have experienced someone that told you otherwise, hurt you, or harmed you ,  it may feel wrong in some way to affirm yourself. But take back your power!  Don’t let them own your ability to love yourself. If you are willing to be a little playful, place a nice kiss right next to those two loving statements.
Place this declaration of your specialness and your love within in a prominent place where you can see it! Read it to yourself today and every day for the next ten days. On the tenth day, add one more statement.  Read these three out loud to yourself. Love and celebrate yourself this way every day for the next twenty-one days.  You matter! You deserve this gift, and it is free!
Take this bold step: love yourself. Value yourself. You are perfect, whole and complete. You are Love.
With my love to you today,
Kathryn

How is the new year so far?

It is the end of the first month of the new decade. I am astonished, to be truthful, at where the time has gone. The holidays were happy and bittersweet. I’ll tell you more about that later. I hope yours were safe, and you had happiness. Even within imperfect circumstances, it is still very possible to find happiness and blessings. That is more important than all the money in the world.
I say my holidays were happy and bittersweet, and they have been every year since my family life blew up. Have you had that kind of feeling?  You may have already heard my history, but if not, I will explain a little:  in 1999 I finally took my children and left my married life to an abusive husband ; later that same year, my mother, who was my greatest fan, role model, and best friend, passed away after a slow decline that had lasted many years. A couple of years later, my father found a new love for his life, and decided I was not to be a part of his life any more. That loss has been very difficult to adapt to, but I am doing it, one day at a time. In the process, I have discovered and gotten to truly know and appreciate me!
That is why I understand how you may feel with the challenges you face. In addition to being a professionally trained clinical psychotherapist, with specific expertise in working with survivors of trauma, I have lived a life rich in experience, happy and sad. Eleven years out from a long-term abusive marriage, I still experience post traumatic stress disorder -PTSD – around loud, sudden noises, people crying or yelling, violence on TV or in movies, keeping a watchful eye in case harm is around the corner. Several years out from a non-understandable rejection by my remaining parent, I understand what it feels like to wake up sometimes with depressed thoughts of complete aloneness, or lack of desire to get on with the day.
One day at a time I have fought back against the efforts of depressive thoughts that tried to run my life and keep me from fulfilling my potential.  Did you know that is what happens?  The thought patterns become embedded and work very hard to keep functioning as they are accustomed to, keeping you depressed, sad, scared, alone, unfulfilled.
I have had it with those thought patterns. I am not willing to live my life afraid any more. I am not willing to cooperate with the bitterness, resentment, and the other angry  emotions I had felt so vividly for a long time. They held me back, and I’m done with tolerating that. We all deserve to live a rich, full life – especially you! I have been working for the past several years to develop and refine techniques that work . You can get your thoughts and feelings to work for you, not against you.
Join me this year to break these old habits and shed the thoughts and feelings that keep depression anchored in your heart and mind. I am forming a bi-coastal group of women that will meet every other week to share their stories and hearts, support each other, learn new strategies and techniques for leaving the sadness behind, and create the brighter life that you deserve!
Space will be limited, so you need to let me know within two weeks if you are interested, to reserve a spot. It will be affordable, important, inspiring, healing and uplifting. All you will need is long-distance service and an open heart. Come heal, grow, expand and create the life you deserve and desire. Get ready to receive !!
With love and blessings,
Kathryn

Fresh Flowers

This weekend I was gifted with an inspiration to create a mini-garden for myself. This is more of a creative endeavor than it might sound,because  I live in an upstairs condo with a small balcony.  I have been craving the site of fresh flowers around me for months, the way I had when I lived in my houses throughout the years.

( I lived in my own homes until just a few years ago. This has been a big transition for me, back to apartment life, essentially. I had not lived in an apartment since a long, long time ago, thirty years ago. It is so very different… But I made a bold personal decision to support my independence, and I am not sorry for that at all. I didn’t know that real estate value was going to plummet within months of buying my own place, but that’s another story.)

So this weekend I treated myself to several pots of blooming geraniums, one of my favorite flowers. There are gorgeous shades of red, pink and fuchsia, very feminine colors. I created a little balcony-rail garden, put  some in pots by my front door, and even one on my dining room table.

Every time my eyes fall upon these beauties, I smile. I receive instant joy! I feel lifted, and a smile takes my face, instead of the serious expression I tend to wear when I am thinking.

Not only is there opulent, natural beauty now in my environment, but I am reminded each time of the magnificence that nature possesses, and the abundance that surrounds me constantly. All I have to do is open my eyes to see it.

This feels very powerful to me. I know that many people, maybe including you,  are feeling constriction in their financial or personal affairs. In my own daily world, I am aware of the constriction in many ways. Many of my clients are affected.

It is important to chose a healthy, self-supporting perspective!  It feels better, and it makes more sense. When you feel good, you think more clearly. When you think more clearly,  options and solutions become more apparent. It may not seem easy at first, if it hasn’t been your habit; with practice it becomes more natural.

I am aware that I have to consciously chose not to give in to doubt and fear. A sense of defeat, almost panic can rise quickly up, when a wave of lack  energy invades thought. The negative energy seems to have a lot of weight to it; it has the ability to almost obliterate efforts to retain positive thinking.

So I have to chose differently! I chose to not let that wave overcome me. I chose to see it as what is is – just a wave of negative energy. I can send it on its way.  I breathe deeply, a few times. I affirm my health, talent and abundance in my life and my affairs.  I seek out an instant reminder of that reality, instead of the seeming doom that negativity would have me believe.

The waterfall in my office; the beautiful fresh flowers that now line my balcony rail. These bring me back to reality: in this moment, right now, all is well. I breathe again, to take it all the way into my bloodstream and consciousness.

Fresh flowers. That’s what I chose to see. Seeing darkness won’t lift me, it will only drag me down. You, too. Chose light. Chose fresh flowers, or something else that brings an immediate smile to your face. It can be a picture, or a song, or the real thing.  Let yourself be lifted. Chose it. You deserve it!

With my love,

Kathryn

Daily Acceptance

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought about what’s not working in your life? About what you wish you did have, instead of what you do have?  I think most people do have this experience, although many won’t admit it.  To be perfectly honest, I’ll even let you know that, in spite of the fact that I teach proven, successful, transformational skills to people every day, there are times when my old habits creep up to grab me when I am not paying attention. ( I find it happens particularly when I am tired, just like a little child gets easily overwhelmed when they are tired, or hungry.)

The antidote to self-defeating behavior like that begins with something very simple, and free : daily self-acceptance.

This is a crucial practice. I know it can be hard to do.

When you catch yourself engaging in some self- defeating behavior that sneaks in almost unnoticed, like procrastinating ( which is an avoidance behavior), or finding one more thing you ” have to do” that makes you late for something else ( which is also covering up a deeper message to both yourself and the other party), the most common response to yourself is to shame and blame yourself. ” Oh, no! There I go again! I did it again! I’ll never get it right. What’s the use in trying, anyway?”

Resolve gives way to self-defeat, even disgust. Before you even realize it, you are slipping into more self-sabotaging thinking and behavior.

The truth is that every living human being has some habits that are not the best. Everyone  can slip into  aself-defeating thinking or behavior, if even for a moment. Most of us hate to admit it. Many people do a really good job of hiding it from their awareness. ( By the way, that doesn’t make it go away. I Can guarantee you of that. Denial is only denial, not healing.)

So you need to start with daily self-acceptance. Accepting yourself daily does not mean being complacent about how you are being in life, or how your life looks, if there are things that you want to change. Daily self-acceptance means acknowledging yourself for where you are – not reprimanding yourself for where you are not.  Then, stretch just a little bit more and add daily gratitude. You are the only you on the planet – and no one can take your place. Your place is very important to all the pieces of life fitting together, whether you can see it or not. There are people who need you, and want you, and count on you – whether you are aware of it or not. Like your boss, or your neighbor, or the handyman you smile at on your way to work, or your partner, or your child. You matter – and no one can take your place. And you have a special purpose here on planet Earth that no one else can fulfill.

No matter where you are on your path of personal growth and evolution, take a moment each day to breathe and consciously accept yourself exactly as you are today. Stretch that even a little bit more, and be grateful for being you today. You are exactly where you need to be, for reasons larger than you can see. You are farther along than you were yesterday, even if you can’t tell. It is the law of growth.

A lovely author by the name of Judith R. Smith wrote, “My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now — I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I’m grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I’ve made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I’m treated with respect and dignity.”

I love that thought, and I hold it dear. No matter what, I have committed to myself to live a life in which I am treated with respect and dignity. I have rebuilt and reshaped my whole life so that it is so. I have learned how to transform relationships, and release those that are not supportive and may be toxic to me. I would love to help you learn to do this, too.

Every day, accept yourself for where and who you are. Commit to yourself to keep growing, even when you can’t tell you are. The universe will move in unforeseen ways to make it so.

Until next time, give yourself the gift of remembering that you are  unique, one of a kind. No one can take your place. Have a lovely moment with you. You deserve it.

With my very best,

Kathryn