Tag Archives: relationships

Daily Acceptance

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought about what’s not working in your life? About what you wish you did have, instead of what you do have?  I think most people do have this experience, although many won’t admit it.  To be perfectly honest, I’ll even let you know that, in spite of the fact that I teach proven, successful, transformational skills to people every day, there are times when my old habits creep up to grab me when I am not paying attention. ( I find it happens particularly when I am tired, just like a little child gets easily overwhelmed when they are tired, or hungry.)

The antidote to self-defeating behavior like that begins with something very simple, and free : daily self-acceptance.

This is a crucial practice. I know it can be hard to do.

When you catch yourself engaging in some self- defeating behavior that sneaks in almost unnoticed, like procrastinating ( which is an avoidance behavior), or finding one more thing you ” have to do” that makes you late for something else ( which is also covering up a deeper message to both yourself and the other party), the most common response to yourself is to shame and blame yourself. ” Oh, no! There I go again! I did it again! I’ll never get it right. What’s the use in trying, anyway?”

Resolve gives way to self-defeat, even disgust. Before you even realize it, you are slipping into more self-sabotaging thinking and behavior.

The truth is that every living human being has some habits that are not the best. Everyone  can slip into  aself-defeating thinking or behavior, if even for a moment. Most of us hate to admit it. Many people do a really good job of hiding it from their awareness. ( By the way, that doesn’t make it go away. I Can guarantee you of that. Denial is only denial, not healing.)

So you need to start with daily self-acceptance. Accepting yourself daily does not mean being complacent about how you are being in life, or how your life looks, if there are things that you want to change. Daily self-acceptance means acknowledging yourself for where you are – not reprimanding yourself for where you are not.  Then, stretch just a little bit more and add daily gratitude. You are the only you on the planet – and no one can take your place. Your place is very important to all the pieces of life fitting together, whether you can see it or not. There are people who need you, and want you, and count on you – whether you are aware of it or not. Like your boss, or your neighbor, or the handyman you smile at on your way to work, or your partner, or your child. You matter – and no one can take your place. And you have a special purpose here on planet Earth that no one else can fulfill.

No matter where you are on your path of personal growth and evolution, take a moment each day to breathe and consciously accept yourself exactly as you are today. Stretch that even a little bit more, and be grateful for being you today. You are exactly where you need to be, for reasons larger than you can see. You are farther along than you were yesterday, even if you can’t tell. It is the law of growth.

A lovely author by the name of Judith R. Smith wrote, “My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now — I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I’m grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I’ve made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I’m treated with respect and dignity.”

I love that thought, and I hold it dear. No matter what, I have committed to myself to live a life in which I am treated with respect and dignity. I have rebuilt and reshaped my whole life so that it is so. I have learned how to transform relationships, and release those that are not supportive and may be toxic to me. I would love to help you learn to do this, too.

Every day, accept yourself for where and who you are. Commit to yourself to keep growing, even when you can’t tell you are. The universe will move in unforeseen ways to make it so.

Until next time, give yourself the gift of remembering that you are  unique, one of a kind. No one can take your place. Have a lovely moment with you. You deserve it.

With my very best,

Kathryn

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My Friends,

Some years ago I wrote a poem, as I was healing from my abusive relationship/marriage that lasted seventeen years. It was published in an international collection of poetry.  I would like to give it to you as a gift, if you would like to have it.

With that man, I bore two children, supported his career to be an internationally known and traveled performer, helped him become a man well liked and respected by his friends and the community, built a successful life  (or so it looked) in a community  in which I carefully crafted and protected his ( and our) reputation.  During all those years, we were living a double life. So were my children. In truth, it felt like a long, dark tunnel with no end.

Now, it is ten years later. It is hard for me to conceive of it, but more than a decade has passed since I left.  I have cried more than a million tears, along the way, I am sure. There were plenty of days when I felt like I had no idea how to do anything. But I kept going, and still do, one day at a time. Because I learned that my growth occurs now, in this moment, in every moment, when I allow it to. That, by itself, is a miracle!

My life now is a bouquet of blessings, opportunities, achievements, adventures and new friends. My three children are now all grown, and launched. ( I have an older son from my first marriage, and they are all very close with each other.) Each one of the three of them is creating a life of success, discovery, trial and error, love and exploration. Each one of them has traveled a different, and sometimes difficult road as a result of their young lives in an abusive home; but they are all blossoming in such beautiful ways. And so am I.

I want to share with you this very important fact: recovery from abuse is possible. It is very possible. Being in relationships that are not abusive is also possible.

It may not be easy. It may not come quickly. But it is entirely possible. And I want you to know that.

Whether you are now, or have been, or are thinking that you may be, in any abusive relationship, you can learn the skills to detect, understand, and respond proactively so that you can regain your life.

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing more information with you about this.

For now, I wish you a gentle Spring of re-birth within yourself, knowing that you are as beautiful as a rose in the morning, deserving of tender love, warm light and sweet care.   If you would like to have my poem, just copy and paste the link below into your web browser.

With my love,

Kathryn

C:\Documents and Settings\Kathryn\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content. MSO\WordWebPagePreview\464E57D6.mht

Rihanna Finally Speaks Out

I hope many of you were tuned in last night to 20/20  on ABC to watch and listen to Rihanna finally speak out honestly about her event of intimate partner violence from world famous Chris Brown.

 

I experienced several intense emotions as I watched her interview with Diane Sawyer.

I was sickened, as I always am, when I hear the details of what happens to our sisters of all ages at the hands of abusive partners, details so familiar to me from my own past.

I was thrilled for a celebrity of her world magnitude to tell the  ugly truth with a world audience in attendance.

I was angry and frustrated that without her celebrity status, she would be unheard,  “just another victim,” like the rest of us who have also been victims, but whose experiences have not deemed newsworthy. Her trauma would go unnoticed, unattended by public compassion and awareness, still isolated in her trauma, pain and shame.

 

Please watch this online if you did not see it last night. If you have been – or are currently – a victim of abuse, you may find it comforting and encouraging that someone who can get into the world headlines has spoken out at this level.  If you are not a victim, you will hear truthful information about what abuse looks like, and how it can seem to sneak up out of nowhere.

 

I hope you will join me on the free call , ” Safe and Sane,” that I  am going to host on Dec. 1 when I will give you more specific information on how to recognize the red flags of an abusive relationship, and how you can help yourself make safe, informed choices.  Go to http://www.nextboldstep.com for more info and to sign up.

 

Thank you to those who have sent me responses to my last blog, and please stay in touch!

 

We all deserve to be safe and sane in our relationships!

 

Love , Kathryn